Questions and answers on dating
To help find the right questions, we called on three not-yet-married friends who gave some time to thinking about the challenges faced by singles: Lore Ferguson, Paul Maxwell, and the recently engaged Marshall Segal.
We ended up with these questions: The Bible commands Christians to marry “in the Lord,” that is, to marry other Christians (1 Corinthians ; 2 Corinthians ).
Because what I have tragically found is that Christian singles hit an area of desperation, particularly young women, and they will go: “Yeah, he is a Christian, he comes to church.” And really what they’re saying is this guy comes to church a couple of times a month, but outside of attending a service, he doesn’t have a real seriousness about growing in his understanding of the Lord, growing in his understanding of the Bible, being a prayerful person, no vivication or mortification that can be spotted, and no one who really knows them enough to speak to the growth in their character.
Now practically speaking, this means singles are seeking out people to speak into their lives.
Is there such a thing as “too fast” in Christian dating?
I see a lot of our young women at The Village Church get teased by guys who simply “like” every Facebook post of theirs, or constantly text the young woman, without ever having defined the relationship.Unfortunately, men and women are wired differently. Not only are we different because of our genders, but we’re different because each person’s past experience helps mold their expectations and each person’s past experience is different. You’ll get a taste of what drives them, what gives their life meaning and significance. It’s always nice to know what the other person views as ideal in their eyes. Let them name the top three qualities that are non-negotiable. What have you learned from your past relationships?It also gives you a view of what a future would look like with them. You can see if you’re looking for the same thing in terms of what makes a relationship good. Ideally, it would be nice to go through each of your past relationships, not to relive pain or point out the mistakes of your exes, but it’s important to know that the person you’re with has learned from their own mistakes and isn’t just moving forward ready to make the same repeat mistakes with you. These are deep questions that could lead to lengthy conversations, but it’s important to know what you’re getting into.But in a day when so much nominalism passes for authentic maturity, give us a few simple marks of spiritual growth that a man or woman should be looking for in a potential spouse.I think what you are looking for is seriousness about growth in the person’s faith.